Surrender

Proverbs 24:10- "If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small."

We could stop with this verse and stay for quite some time. This last week has been one of the hardest weeks. Looking back on this last year there has been quite a bit of fainting in my life. Last weeks circumstances happened to hit me in the area of lonliness. I found my strength so small to a point at which my arms were weak and falling and i felt like the battle was being lost (Ex 17:10-12). I recalled a time that Ryan had held my arms up in battle> I had called him and cried out "how do you do this..how do you stay single for so long?" Ryan replied, "women think emotionally and men think logically, so I began with logic." I found myself at this point once again, weeping and mourning, with little strength I picked up the phone and pleaded for Ryan to once again hold my arms up in battle and speak logic (truth) in my life.Majority of what I write today is fruit of that conversation and i praise the Lord for using Ryan to rebuke the sin in my life.

Truth Remembrance #1-

My strength has proved to be small because I have been relying on my own strength and not the Lord's. My human effort in warfare needs to be overshadowed by divine power. Isaiah 40:28-31 states, "He gives power to the faint; and to [them that have] no might he increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint." I have to realize that I am powerless apart from Him. John 15:4 says, "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me." Which brings me to...

Truth Remembrance #2-

Lonliness can kill my ministry and growth in the Lord. Ryan asked me, "On a scale of 1 to 10, what would you say is your desirer for a husband?" I confidently answered 10. Then he asked, "On a scale of 1 to 10 what is your desire for the Lord and his will?" I answered 10. My answers were the same. I have allowed my desire for a husband outweigh or equally weigh my desire for the Lord. I hope you see the irony in this as I did. My heart was no longer seeking his will for me now, yet seeking future blessings that the Lord may or may not have in store for me. It was clearly sin that the Lord was no longer first priority nor was my desire for God greater. I was comparing my lot to others. I sought charm that was deceitful and beauty that was fading (read Plevans recent read on the Booked Blog) and lacked in fearing my king. May it not be thus forward.

Truth Remembrance #3-

Yes I am lonely and sure my heart hurts, but I have to return and approach the throne of God and trust once again that He is faithful. It brought me comfort to hear Ryan say that he too struggled with thoughts of being forgotten when he was single. But it is a lie I must not believe. The Lord is good to me. He provides for me and I am not forgotten, but trully remembered as His beloved. In no way has he forsaken me. He is faithful even still. And....

Truth Remembrance #4-

I have been called beloved by God and I need to reflect that sweet disposition. I often forsake loving myself by keeping record of wrongs (1 Cor 13). My sin has overshadowed his grace and I need to surrender to allowing his grace cover my sins. Micah 7:8 states, "Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me." May that light make me...

Truth Remembrance #5-

Eternally minded. "What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." (James 4:14). In Hebrews 11 the thing people hoped for was an eternity in the kingdom of heaven. My thoughts need not to focus on the things of this world that are fading. My life should reflect the hope I have in Him. May my desire for him and his glory be greater. May my life be one that is pleased with God despite of my circumstances. May I once again find my hope and strength in Him. May He create in me a steadfastness instead of life of fainting. May I constantly preach to myself the gospel and the things God has previously revealed (such as these truths) that have been character building. To God be the glory in the midst of this refinement and restoration.