So I have to apologize for my lack of posting as of late. The picture
displayed on the left of this post is a perfect representation of where my life is right now. For those of you who do not know, I took a job in August as a Special Education Teacher's Aide at Lincoln Middle School in San Angelo. We have 11 students in our class (1 Muscular
Dystrophy, 1 Autistic, 8 Downs Syndrome and 1 Williams Syndrome). Starting the job I began to ask myself many questions including, "Lord, through this experience, what exactly are you trying to teach me." Graciously the Lord opened my eyes
immensely through a pastor in Oklahoma that I talked to at a
Voddie Baucham Conference. The disposition that the kids are in that I work with is the same disposition I am in before the Lord. Some of my kids cannot even go to the bathroom without my help. They are utterly dependent on me. I pray that as I continue through this life I would be able to recognize the dependence that I have on the Lord. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, yet only through Him can I do all things. Apart from my God I can do nothing. Don't get me wrong because there is the responsibility of man factor, yet I breathe and am who I am today because of Christ and myself being crucified in Him. It motivates me daily to do my job when I see myself in those kids.
Another motivational factor that has spirred me on to holiness and sharing Christ with others is the mere fact that sin is what brought disease and death into this world. I am surrounded by a physical representation of the effects of sin through my class and it makes me shutter. And yet the Lord has given me a thirst and a hunger like none other during this time. By his grace may I strive to be more like Him through sanctification and purification.
Besides work I have been so blessed as the Lord is restoring my relationship with my father and myself. Years of bitterness,
unforgiveness and lack of communication are being torn down. My relationships with friends has once again turned sweet. I had to ask myself at one point..."When did I become so selfish?" I began to examine my life and ask the Lord to search me and know my heart. Somewhere in the midst of serving, caring for others, planning, teaching and pouring out in ministry, I began to question who cared about me, who has served me, who has poured into me lately...This questioning became a destructive path in my life. I was really searching for significance in the world's eyes instead of the God who knows me, loves me, pours into me, cares for me. If you are in ministry or are preparing to go into ministry, I pray you do not find yourself in that position. We are called to serve, not be served. We are called to love one another as an overflow of the Lord's love for us. My cup was empty and I was seeking for it to be filled from the wrong sources. Praise the Lord once again that He does not allow us to continue in our sinful state. I have learned to love the word RESTORE.
As for other updates...I am teaching
Sunday school with the Senior High girls at
College Hills and helping lead worship every other Sunday. I am having accountability/mentoring with a girl on Tuesdays that is such a blessing. I have taken the roll of caterer for a wedding in December and am currently seeking the Lord as to where he will have me move to in the summer. It is time to get out of this town of San Angelo. Until my next update, I love you all and miss many of you as distance is the separator of us. Please pray for
Jill Miller and
Cara Bebee who are on the mission field.
