Preparation

As I write you I am in awe of the Lord's work in preparing me for what is ahead. I have 9 days left before I move and continue praise him for his provisions and providence. This last month has been busy and the next few days will speed past me I am sure. In the last month I traveled to Cali for a week and a half. It was a great week and yet hard. My grandfather is still not well and I ask that you pray for him and his salvation. After Cali, I returned for a mere 2 days to unpack and pack again. I spent a great weekend floating down the Guadalupe River with my Texas family. We shared laughs and pain from sunburns together. It was truly splendid. Since then and until I leave I have recorded for Kasey's CD and will spend time with family and friends while working on bidding farewell. I am horrible at goodbyes.

I am very excited to see all of you Kentucky folk and will truly miss everyone in Texas. For those of you in Texas...if you aren't busy we will be packing the truck on Wednesday July 30th. And for those of you in Kentucky...if you are in town I would love it if you can help unload the truck on Saturday, August 2nd. Please continue to pray for me as I transition. I can testify that the Lord is good and I look foward to the journey ahead. Below are a few pics from my trips and recording.Recording for Kasey's new CD.The reason I went to California: My grandparents.

Down by the bay.The cutest kids ever! My niece Baylee and nephew Logan.

California, Here I Come!

Well, it's true. I am going to California tomorrow. My dad has been up there for two week due to my grandfathers state after his stroke. My grandparents, aunt and uncle were supposed to come down this last week and since plane tickets were canceled, they were able to buy a ticket for me to come see them. I had prepared myself to not have the ability to see them again (if you know what I mean). In the last year my grandmother has lost her sight fully due to macular degeneration, so this will also be the first time since the loss of eye sight. I am excited to take my cousin Candice kayaking while I am there, along with a visit to the beach of course.

Upon my return I will work and repack in a 36 hour span and head out to San Antonio and Ingram to spend some quality time with my dear family in a 100 year old cabin on the river. I love my cousins so much and we have no problem having a blast. I will then return on the 20th and spend my final week and a half with my dearly beloved friends and fam here in San Angelo.

This summer has gone by so fast thus far. I am trying to stay on top of all that needs to be done. I am praying overall that the Lord would grant travel mercies (especially with my car). I also pray that we will be able to fit all items in the truck on move day. I will have Jason and Cara's, Brandon's and my stuff in one 28' truck. Pray for my grandfather also. He is not saved and it seems time for him is short.

For all of you in Louisville. I cannot wait to see you. I am pretty sure my roommates and myself will have a gathering of sorts once we get our place put together. And for the San Angelo beloveds, I am already heart broken with the fact of leaving you. My time with you has been so sweet and the Lord has used you immensely in my life. I am so blessed and all praise to the Lord for the numerous relationships I have had in San Angelo. Thank you for befriending me. Love ya and I hope to update upon my return.

Delicious Healthy Treat!

My Step-Mother and I are on a Catabolic Diet and in the evenings we have been having an incredibly delicious treat. Here is the recipe. Feel free to add whatever frozen fruit you want.

Yeilds Two Drinks:
Fill Blender with Frozen Strawberries
Add Two Cans of Sprite Zero
Put in about 5-6 drops of Vanilla Extract
Blend and Drink.
Seriously this is so good, filling and we just had them with frozen peaches and fresh pineapple. Excellent!

Namaste

I have just returned from spending a week with my cousin and his youth at Student Life Camp. The group I worked with was rough around the edges to say the least. They are so precious to my heart, yet they have come from circumstances that I am not sure I will ever understand. My cousin has not merely ministered to the kids that come to church on a regular basis, yet he has found these kids in the woodworks and is gladly coming alongside them. These kids are hearing the gospel for the first time and are either thirsty as every or hardened by the life they have lived in.

This week was stretching for me. I had to learn patience to the utmost since all but one of our kiddos were in Jr. High. They vomited their lives on us and we poured the hope that we have in Christ into them. And poured and poured. Not only did we pour, but The Smith Band poured and Matt Carter poured. Every single one of our kids had encountered the Word and works of God. During our final worship service on Thursday night, Matt Carter's message from the Lord opened my eyes and convicted me on a new level. The sermon was also given to his church and you can find it here and is the Amos 5 :21-23 sermon called "Why Churches Die: Impure Worship" given on 9/23/07. This is where the title of this post comes from. Namaste- In everyday life, "namaste" is not necessarily considered a religious gesture by everyone. However, many believe it has a spiritual basis, in recognizing a common divinity within the other person.

I pray that more than anything that these kids from Santo, TX were able to see Christ in us. The fact is that we will be able to see if their responses to the gospel are true from the fruit of their lives when they return to the conditions at home. I pray overall that the seeds that were planted have fallen on a good soil. Please pray for Chad and Angela as they continue to invest in the lives of these students that have not so lovely lives. Check out the above sermon. You will be glad that you did.

The smile on my face in this picture cannot express the joy and excitement that I am feeling. The day that I was ready to call Housing at Southern Seminary, I received an e-mail from dear Anna Gibson of Louisville, KY. Anna and I met during Spring Break and she has been such a servant in helping me find a roommate and or a place along with the Plevans, Whites, Bebees and Butts. The search ended yesterday as I made yet another attempt to see if the situation would work. After talking for 15 minutes, we totally hit it off and she kindly asked, "So...would you like to be my roommate?" I could not have been more thrilled. The place is a complex called Eagles Eyrie. It is a 3 bedroom, 3 bathroom, two story apartment. She told me that it is a great place to entertain and is way cute. It is less than two miles from the Seminary and there are alot of seminary students that live in the complex. I am very excited and it is so sweet to see the Lord's provision once again. We are still looking for a third roommate, so you can still be praying about that. Thank you for your prayers and all of your hard work to help me find a roommate/home. I have truly been blessed and all praise be to our Father. More updates to follow soon....

Surrender

Proverbs 24:10- "If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small."

We could stop with this verse and stay for quite some time. This last week has been one of the hardest weeks. Looking back on this last year there has been quite a bit of fainting in my life. Last weeks circumstances happened to hit me in the area of lonliness. I found my strength so small to a point at which my arms were weak and falling and i felt like the battle was being lost (Ex 17:10-12). I recalled a time that Ryan had held my arms up in battle> I had called him and cried out "how do you do this..how do you stay single for so long?" Ryan replied, "women think emotionally and men think logically, so I began with logic." I found myself at this point once again, weeping and mourning, with little strength I picked up the phone and pleaded for Ryan to once again hold my arms up in battle and speak logic (truth) in my life.Majority of what I write today is fruit of that conversation and i praise the Lord for using Ryan to rebuke the sin in my life.

Truth Remembrance #1-

My strength has proved to be small because I have been relying on my own strength and not the Lord's. My human effort in warfare needs to be overshadowed by divine power. Isaiah 40:28-31 states, "He gives power to the faint; and to [them that have] no might he increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint." I have to realize that I am powerless apart from Him. John 15:4 says, "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me." Which brings me to...

Truth Remembrance #2-

Lonliness can kill my ministry and growth in the Lord. Ryan asked me, "On a scale of 1 to 10, what would you say is your desirer for a husband?" I confidently answered 10. Then he asked, "On a scale of 1 to 10 what is your desire for the Lord and his will?" I answered 10. My answers were the same. I have allowed my desire for a husband outweigh or equally weigh my desire for the Lord. I hope you see the irony in this as I did. My heart was no longer seeking his will for me now, yet seeking future blessings that the Lord may or may not have in store for me. It was clearly sin that the Lord was no longer first priority nor was my desire for God greater. I was comparing my lot to others. I sought charm that was deceitful and beauty that was fading (read Plevans recent read on the Booked Blog) and lacked in fearing my king. May it not be thus forward.

Truth Remembrance #3-

Yes I am lonely and sure my heart hurts, but I have to return and approach the throne of God and trust once again that He is faithful. It brought me comfort to hear Ryan say that he too struggled with thoughts of being forgotten when he was single. But it is a lie I must not believe. The Lord is good to me. He provides for me and I am not forgotten, but trully remembered as His beloved. In no way has he forsaken me. He is faithful even still. And....

Truth Remembrance #4-

I have been called beloved by God and I need to reflect that sweet disposition. I often forsake loving myself by keeping record of wrongs (1 Cor 13). My sin has overshadowed his grace and I need to surrender to allowing his grace cover my sins. Micah 7:8 states, "Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me." May that light make me...

Truth Remembrance #5-

Eternally minded. "What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." (James 4:14). In Hebrews 11 the thing people hoped for was an eternity in the kingdom of heaven. My thoughts need not to focus on the things of this world that are fading. My life should reflect the hope I have in Him. May my desire for him and his glory be greater. May my life be one that is pleased with God despite of my circumstances. May I once again find my hope and strength in Him. May He create in me a steadfastness instead of life of fainting. May I constantly preach to myself the gospel and the things God has previously revealed (such as these truths) that have been character building. To God be the glory in the midst of this refinement and restoration.

The Love of the Arts

The last couple of weekends I have been to the Symphony, Twin Mountain Tonesman and enjoyed the culinary arts through baking for our Sunday night bible study. The two musical occasions stirred me and confirmed my love for music. Music excites me. Listening to the Quartets with my friend Bethany I began to see the beauty in overtone. Overtone is heard when the combination of harmony and vocal balance is in perfect tune with one another. In Vocal Competitions they would prefer for Quartets harmonies to produce overtone in 80% of the song preformed. It made me consider the Christian body. The product of believers being in tune with one another, in one accord and like minded should be a beautiful sound that resonates around us to the world. At times I feel that we do not create that overtone though. Scriptures say that the unbeliever will know that you are My disciples because of your love for one another. It is my prayer that the Lord would bring up a body of believers that share the "One Anothers"(taught to me in a three hour class at Southern by Dr. Scott). That we would love one another, care for one another, speak truth to one another, rebuke one another, etc...all for the glory of God and his fulfillment of his prayer over us, "That they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in US, so that the world may believe that You sent me". Such a harmony that it creates a single tone above all others. May my selfish ways not strike a cord separate from your works Lord.

Apart from my love of music, I love to cook and bake. That is right Ladies and Gentleman, I am talking about the culinary arts. The Lord has taught me even through baking for my Sunday night bible study. In this blog there is a picture of three of the five pies I provided one Sunday evening. One is a Lemon pie with intricate candies that I made for the presentation of the pie. The other two are a coconut cream pie and an apple pie. I thought that the fancy lemon pie would so appeal the eye that they would not be able to stop themselves from diving in. The five pies laid on the table the three pictured including a simple looking cheesecake and a blueberry/banana cream pie. To my surprise the Lemon one was the least touched pies. The Apple and Cheesecake went first, followed by the Coconut. I have compared this situation with my own heart. There is such a huge part of me that has such insecurities about my appearance. I spend such time on my outward appearance when what matters and what everyone else cares about is the content within. In no way do I want to be a people pleaser, yet battle daily. I should concern myself more with the heart, mind, soul and strength. My desire to be noticed has proven itself to outweigh the fact that the Lord has noticed me. Pray for me as I grow in the desire to have spiritual food to offer that people will want to devour. Pray that my physical appearance would not be an idol to me. There is a song called the Beauty of Simplicity and it basically explains the simplicity of the gospel. I need to preach that gospel to myself daily. My dearest friend Shea Polite told me something that her husband had told her, she said, "We need to preach to ourselves more than we listen to ourselves." Listening to myself and the enemy, I am inadequate, unlovely, unworthy, plain...yet to preach to myself I would realize..."And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work."...he has called me Beloved, etc...May the simplicity of the gospel resound in my life. All for the Love of the Lord and His glory found this week in Art.

How well do you know me? (Dedicated to Jill Miller)

shoeless millar tagged me to complete this task...although I think these have potential of being silly, because of my faithfulness to her as a friend and my willingness to try new things, I have dedicated this to Jill (heehee)...how does this go? 5 lies and a truth? 5 truths and a lie? ummm...ok. here it goes...

1. My dating life consists of a blind date in the spance of my lifetime.
2. My ancestry does not include John Wilkes Booth.
3. I have written a song.
4. I worked for the AIDS Foundation for 2 years.
5. I have been surfing.
6. I lived in Washington State.

5 facts, 1 fiction...take your guess ladies and gents.

I would like to tag both Jill's and my dear friend: Cara Bebee (aka. Caraboo)

At 12:30, on this date, I received a phone call from Toby in the admissions office at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and was welcomed to their family of seminary students. I assumed my reaction would be a thank you and should I really do this. I would say that my jumping up and down flooded any doubt or fears that would come in the way of my attending Southern. I have been overjoyed with the thought of moving to Louisville since my visit this Spring Break. So many things were solidified through classes, campus tours, Dr. Scott, Anna Gibson, Orran, Sojourn and my dear friends the Plevans, Whites, Butts, Bebees and Polittes. These people are truly Barnabas' for me. Messages of encouragement to attack the sin of doubt and unbelief in my life. The Lord has been so gracious to me throughout this process thus far.

There is a family in our church whose infant daughter just had to have a heart transplant. Rex and Stacy stood in awe of the Lord's provision through his church for them and their family. Rex was giving a report and said, "there is no way that we can thank all of you for all that you have done in giving sacrificially...so I will thank the Lord." I echo Rex in that statement. There is no way I can thank each of you for your prayers, support, love, giving, service, couches, etc....so I will give thanks to our Lord. To him be the glory and honor. And now...I press on to Kentucky.

Please continue to pray for me as I apply for scholorships, seek the Lord for jobs and a home. Jehovah Jireh- I will proclaim and trust you as my provider. Below are a few glimpses of my sweet time in Louisville and St. Louis. The Garcia's were the couple that my journey with the Lord began with, so it was great visiting them and their sweet family. I love them and I love you guys.

My Autobiography

Born and raised in a house that was culturally churched my beliefs proved to be liberal and universal. I thought one to be foolish by questioning my stance before God. I was one of fifteen on a Youth Task Force that represented the entire Presbyterian youth population in the West Texas region. I was very active in my own youth group, community and mission trips, and my works seemed to testify that I was a “good person”.

In the eighth grade my world, as I knew it, was rocked by my parents divorce. The remainder of my junior high and high school years would be spent in a home with a depressed mother and the feeling of abandonment. Soon, I found myself in college and with some direction of peers and my search for significance, I had entered the party world, yet still attending church and bible study. One Sunday evening the Lord graciously interrupted my life by four air force intel students at our Sunday night bible study. Seeing our beliefs the group prayed, fasted and invested in myself and my dear friend Amanda. My beliefs and their origins were challenged by Ronnie (one of the air force guys) and my foundation was merely sand.

On a Sunday evening after bible study and month after Amanda's salvation, I went to have a few drinks with Amanda's roommate. After dry heaving for quite some time, the Lord had truly revealed my sinful, depraved state. Amanda and Ronnie had come home from a date and Amanda found me in my pathetic circumstance. Completely undone, broken and guilty; I did not want to be around Ronnie, who was an incredible representation of Christ to me. Ronnie came in, regardless of my request, and he looked me in the eyes and said, “There is nothing you can do that can take my love away from you.” As far as I could remember I had sang “Amazing Grace” and yet, until I saw my total depravity before a holy and just God, those words had never really had such a great meaning. My life was surrendered to the Lord. There was nothing in and of myself that would have ever chosen him over the god that I had created that was comfortable to me. There was no steps that I took on my own to soften my heart and make my deaf ears hear the words of the one who created me. It was by his amazing grace alone that I was able to stand again. Not on shifty sand but the firm foundation that He laid before me. This is why I long to share the hope I have in Christ Jesus. Because of salvation and sanctification that the Lord has worked and continues to work in my life, I will pour into the lives of others.

I was discipled for the nine remaining months I had with my air force brothers and sisters. As they received their assignments, I traveled with one of the girls to Kentucky to work a Junior High Camp. This would be the first time to pour out after being poured into. I can remember having a great compassion for the kids and I ached for them to know the truth. I was positioned alongside two men, one was a minister and the other a youth minister. I was initially intimidated since I had been a believer for such a short time. Yet as I observed these two men, my heart broke. For some reason they did not seem to be there for the kids, nevertheless their spiritual state. I had a strong desire to defend and confirm the gospel and the complacency of these men did not equal that desire. Upon my return home, I immediately found two women that mentored me and I began to serve the youth in my home church. I found the more I soaked myself in the word, the more I loved to teach. My three years of serving the senior high girls at my church ended as the Lord had called me to step out in faith towards the mission field after graduation.

The field that the Lord had me in was Sedro-Wooley, Washington. During my ten week mission, God used me to counsel 50 year old women to youth aged kids. I taught at Vacation Bible Schools, a Disciple Now, a Lock-in, a week long youth camping trip and numerous bible studies. The Lord used me as a vessel to plant seeds and share the gospel with exchange students from Italy, Belgium, France and Sudan. The lessons learned were many and my eyes were opened to the fields full of lost.

Upon my return I served as a Juvenile Probation Officer at which point the justice of God became clear to me. After dealing with suicides, aggravated sexual assault cases, etc., my heart was heavy and depression began to set in. I had never hurt so much for a people and my own past pains were on the rise. I was approached by the campus minister at the Baptist Student Ministries at Angelo State to consider taking the position of campus intern/missionary. After much prayer I made the transition into full time ministry that would last for a two year term. As the campus missionary, under the headship of the director Lee Floyd, I: helped lead a leadership team of 25-30 students, mentored and discipled ten girls a week during scheduled one one ones, preformed local and state interviews for Go Now Missions, lead a bible study once a week, and planned, coordinated and directed over sixty events and two retreats a semester along with one mission trip per year.

I cannot begin to explain, without length, all that the Lord taught me and the experiences I had serving our God through the Baptist Student Ministries. Since my term there was merely two years, I had to seek the Lord as to which direction I should take next. I find myself in that position today. For the summer I was a Pharmacy Tech and currently I am in a Junior high class room working with special needs kids and yet I still have not found rest in my soul knowing my love and passion for ministry. By all means, the Lord has used me and sanctified me working in those two secular fields and apart from them I fear that I would have very few non-Christian friendships. I am not merely wasting time, yet I pray that I am making the most of it and more importantly making the most of God's glory for His namesake.

For over a year my pastor, Lakan Mariano, has give me counsel and has strongly felt that I should be attending seminary to further equip me, and for years my singleness and financial self-support have been used as an excuse not to go, being controlled by fear and unbelief of the Lord's provision. A year and a half ago, I had printed out information about Southern and had even printed out the application and never followed through with obedience and faith. As Christ pursued me, I pray by his grace and strength that I might be able to pursue this time of equipping in my life with faithfulness. Not out of selfish ambition, although to sit under the wisdom of solid instruction that leads me to know and love this God we serve would benefit me, but if anything to have the tools to minister to others in their search for significance. I thank you for taking this time to see where the Lord has worked in my life and for considering me to journey on at Southern.

Future Possibilities

It seems that I am consistently apologizing for the length of time in between composing blogs. I suppose there is alot to be said and yet I find little time to write it all out. So, what does my life look like you ask....
Work has been great this last month. i love the kids and daily find it a joy to serve them. The Lord continues to sanctify me in humility, patience, grace, love and numerous other attributes by working with these 11 handicapped kids. Many of you were able to work the Eldorado D-Now with me. It was such a blessing and honor to serve alongside such a solid team of leaders. While pouring out into the senior high girls, I was so blessed to be poured into by great teaching and fellowship with my dear friends who are attending Southern Seminary.
Speaking of Southern, as most of you know, I have submitted my application to Southern in hopes to attend in the fall in pursuit of a masters in biblical counseling. This has been a process that has taken place for well over 2 years. I can remember being a Juvenile Probation Officer printing out the biblical counseling degree plan. Mara Garza had just been under Dr. Scott at Master's when I heard that Dr. Scott moved to Southern. After talking to Mara and much prayer I printed out the application and allowed it to sit on my shelf at the BSM during the two years I served as the campus missionary. I could never bring myself to the place to throw it away. For over a year I laughed at Lakan out of nervousness as he continually encouraged me to go to seminary. The sin of unbelief towards the Lord's provision and fears of entering yet another chapter in my life single overwhelmed me. I received new yesterday that the application that was printed out almost three years ago was sent to the Admissions Board at Southern for review. It has been a long journey. In now way would i take one moment of it. My ministry at the BSM, the restoration in my family and plenty of experiences have grown me in wisdom and has refined me. Yet out of obedience and combating the unbelief in my life, I am excited about the possibilities ahead. I am leaving Spring Break for Louisville to visit dear friends, attend a personal campus visit and hopefully meet with people that can guide me through this process. Then I will road trip over to St. Louis to visit my dearest friends Amanda and Ronnie and their now 4 kids.
To be honest this can be a lonely walk at times. I have spent numerous nights at the lake with me and the Lord praying through things. I daily have to remind myself that the Lord is sovereign and his grace is sufficient for all my needs. I battle unbelief and pray for the times I lack in faith. My Abba Daddy has truly lavished his love upon me and in Him I will trust. Please continue to pray for me as I seek the Lord in the direction I should take. In the next blog I plan on sharing my autobiography that i had to write for the application. It was such a blessing to look back on my redemption, sanctification and the work in and through me throughout the last 6 years. To him receive the glory and honor forever.

"If I am prayerful, God makes me prayerful; if I have graces, they are God’s gifts to me; if I hold on in a consistent life, it is because he upholds me with his hand. I do nothing whatever towards my own preservation, except what God himself first does in me. Whatever I have, all my goodness is of the Lord alone. Wherein I sin, that is my own; but wherein I act rightly, that is of God, wholly and completely." - Charles Spurgeon

Welcome 2008

Well...as always, my deepest apologies for my lack of posting. I have gone non-stop since November. In the midst, Kasey and I moved and no longer have internet. But here we are...

So, I went to Houston for Thanksgiving and had a splendid time with my family. I learned to be more of a servant since my cousin had had a major back surgery right before my arrival. Upon my return, Kasey and I moved since our roomie was about to get married. It was alot of work, but we love our new home.

Before I knew it it was Christmas. I spent Christmas in San Angelo. I learned how to make bows and spent some time with family that the Lord has been working on restoring in my life.










On the 26th I began to prepare for the wedding I was going to cater on the 29th. I have never spent more hours in a kitchen before, yet...I have to say it was a success. Below are a few pictures. I have to say the fruit tray with the swan carved out of a honeydew melon is my favorite.










Back in the kitchen on the 31st to prepare for a last minute New Years party that was an absolute blast.





















I look back on 2007 and words cannot praise the Lord enough for the growth he has produced from ministry, hardship, jobs and relationships. Refinement is still the process he continues to take me through. There has been times of joy and downtrodden, abundance and little, community and loneliness and through it all He has been glorified. I look forward to seeing where the Lord leads me. Today I finally finished my application for Kanukuk Institute. Being a single chick I feel like this is the best route to prepare me for ministy. My friends Amanda and Ronnie will be adopting the twin girls from the previous post. So...if the Lord has not prepared a ministry for me after Kanukuk or a husband, I am looking at the possibilities of moving with the Garcia's to the location where they will be in ministry. Alot to pray about needless to say. I am excited to see what is ahead and until then I pray that I walk in faith faithfully. Love you guys!

"In Christ Alone"

I have put a band together and tomorrow we will be singing "In Christ Alone" at church. The last couple of months have been rough and refining to say the least. Yet, almost every morning on my way to work I have been listening to some of my favorite hymns in hopes to be reminded of the work that Christ has done and in prayer that my joy would be restored.

I cannot remember when I first heard this song, but I can remember when it came from the heart of my dear friend Amanda. In August she came to visit me from St. Louis with her son and while placing him down for a nap she sang the sweet words of "In Christ Alone" over Micah. I sat outside the door and cried in awe of the lyrics. Yesterday Amanda gave birth to her second child, Ruth Helen. While Amanda and Ronnie are rejoicing in the two little blessings the Lord has given them (Micah and Ruth), they are also fervently praying about a huge decision that will impact their family. On November 30, Ronnie will be attending a hearing in Austin, Texas to adopt twin cousins of Amanda that are in horrible circumstances. All parties are recommending that Ronnie and Amanda receive the baby girls. I want to dedicate this post to the Garcia family. Please pray for them as they walk in obedience and pour the hope they have in Christ over these children. Ronnie is also in the midst of finishing seminary, so you seminarians can relate to the work that is added on top of it all. I love you Amanda and Ronnie and praise the Lord that he placed you in my life and used you in the time of my conversion where I found hope.

"In Christ Alone"
In Christ alone my hope is found,

He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fulness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

7 Random Things About Me - A Post for Shoeless Millar (aka. Jill Miller)

K-Booth's Randomness

1. I am catering a wedding in December. From tuxedo strawberries to quiche, the hors d'oeuvres will be plentiful.
   
2. My favorite snack is Cheez-its and Chocolate Milk.
   
3. The Lord declared that my conversion/salvation experience would consist of me seeing my depraved state before a holy God while dry-heaving over a toilet bowl. Praise the Lord for grace and mercy.
4. My top three favorite hymns are: How Deep the Father's Love for Us, In Christ Alone and Before the Throne of God Above.
   
5. I can sketch/draw. The only problem is that I do not have any of my work, only copies. They have mostly all been portraits of people and I have given them as gifts. :(
6. I have an extra bone in my foot. This was discovered after I tore a ligament and in the x-rays the Podiatrist noticed the small bone.
   
7. In the last three years, since I graduated from College, I have been a Missionary in Washington State, a Juvenile Probation Officer, a Campus Missionary for Angelo State University, a Pharmacy Tech and am currently a Teacher's Aide for a special needs class at Lincoln Junior High.

I would like to Tag Sarah Bebee and Shea Politte.

Handicapped and Restored

So I have to apologize for my lack of posting as of late. The picture displayed on the left of this post is a perfect representation of where my life is right now. For those of you who do not know, I took a job in August as a Special Education Teacher's Aide at Lincoln Middle School in San Angelo. We have 11 students in our class (1 Muscular Dystrophy, 1 Autistic, 8 Downs Syndrome and 1 Williams Syndrome). Starting the job I began to ask myself many questions including, "Lord, through this experience, what exactly are you trying to teach me." Graciously the Lord opened my eyes immensely through a pastor in Oklahoma that I talked to at a Voddie Baucham Conference. The disposition that the kids are in that I work with is the same disposition I am in before the Lord. Some of my kids cannot even go to the bathroom without my help. They are utterly dependent on me. I pray that as I continue through this life I would be able to recognize the dependence that I have on the Lord. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, yet only through Him can I do all things. Apart from my God I can do nothing. Don't get me wrong because there is the responsibility of man factor, yet I breathe and am who I am today because of Christ and myself being crucified in Him. It motivates me daily to do my job when I see myself in those kids.

Another motivational factor that has spirred me on to holiness and sharing Christ with others is the mere fact that sin is what brought disease and death into this world. I am surrounded by a physical representation of the effects of sin through my class and it makes me shutter. And yet the Lord has given me a thirst and a hunger like none other during this time. By his grace may I strive to be more like Him through sanctification and purification.

Besides work I have been so blessed as the Lord is restoring my relationship with my father and myself. Years of bitterness, unforgiveness and lack of communication are being torn down. My relationships with friends has once again turned sweet. I had to ask myself at one point..."When did I become so selfish?" I began to examine my life and ask the Lord to search me and know my heart. Somewhere in the midst of serving, caring for others, planning, teaching and pouring out in ministry, I began to question who cared about me, who has served me, who has poured into me lately...This questioning became a destructive path in my life. I was really searching for significance in the world's eyes instead of the God who knows me, loves me, pours into me, cares for me. If you are in ministry or are preparing to go into ministry, I pray you do not find yourself in that position. We are called to serve, not be served. We are called to love one another as an overflow of the Lord's love for us. My cup was empty and I was seeking for it to be filled from the wrong sources. Praise the Lord once again that He does not allow us to continue in our sinful state. I have learned to love the word RESTORE.
As for other updates...I am teaching Sunday school with the Senior High girls at College Hills and helping lead worship every other Sunday. I am having accountability/mentoring with a girl on Tuesdays that is such a blessing. I have taken the roll of caterer for a wedding in December and am currently seeking the Lord as to where he will have me move to in the summer. It is time to get out of this town of San Angelo. Until my next update, I love you all and miss many of you as distance is the separator of us. Please pray for Jill Miller and Cara Bebee who are on the mission field.

To Everything There is a Season

This whole summer has been bitter sweet. In alot of ways I have been celebrating everyone elses life through marriages, new jobs, missions, moves, engagements...Meanwhile my life has been somewhat at a standstill. In May I had to immediately find a job due to the fact that I was not going to get paid that month. I started as a Pharmacy Tech in the middle of that month. I have learned what it means to work as if working for the Lord and not for man. My experience has been somewhat unpleasant at the Drug store. I came from a position of investing into peoples lives and pouring all I had into them for Christ's Namesake, into a position that from 8:45-6:00 I stand behind a counter and count pills all day. In some ways the Lord has used me with my co-workers, yet at the end of the day I realize that my work was hardly eternal. I have begun searching what it is that the Lord would have me do next. Where He would have me go and what He would have me do and many of the answers have been slammed doors in my face.I continue to remind myself that He is Soveriegn and knows the path that He has already paved ahead of me and yet when walking alone with little direction, I find myself weeping. It has been a lonely road of unassuredness. I find myself praying as David did throughout the Psalms that the Lord would give me the joy of my salvation.
HOPE has been the one thing to sustain me through this lonely time. I praise the Lord that I will not spend an eternity in this temporary place we call home. And yet I plead with Him that he would continue to sanctify me through His truth that he may not say "ye of little faith", rather, "well done you good and faithful servant."

The pictures in this blog are from one fo my greater nights this summer. The four roomies (old and new) decided that we were going to have a girls night. We dressed our finest and ate at the Wharf. The food was fabulous and company divine. The former great night was spent on the free side of the riverstage where about 8 of us sat on a sleeping bag and danced under the stars listening to a concert.

To conclude this blog I want you to know that I have an interview tomorrow and some big decisions ahead. Will I take the teachers aide position for special ed...the preschool teacher position that is only 30 hours a week or find something temporarily as I consider missions school? May the Lord direct me and guide me and may my feet be quick to go in the direction He should lead. I love you all and miss many of you. I am glad that I have been able to be a part of your lives in some way and know that you have played a sweet roll in mine.

Hannah: an example of biblical womanhood

HANNAH
“grace” also “beauty or charm”
1 Samuel 1 & 2

You can picture her with a face that bore the radiance of her own spirituality, wearing clothes that she stitched herself being handy with the needle (1 Sam. 2:19). She was barren because the Lord had closed her womb (1 Sam 1:6) Most likely the first wife of Elkanah, but because of her barrenness he took another wife (Peninnah) who bore him children.
Hannah was one of 4 great woman in history who grieved because she could not conceive. Others were:

• Sarah (Gen. 21) who was much like Hannah because of their husbands bigamy and distress over their inability to conceive (later conceived Isaac)

• Rebekah (Gen. 25) who bore her trial of barrenness with indifference (later conceived Jacob and Esau)

• Rachel (Gen. 29) who being so irritated at her long wait said “give me children, or else I die” (later conceived Joseph)

Each barren case and first born was raised up for special purposes of divine providence. Hannah handled her barren womb with faithful prayer. (seen below)

Hannah would travel with her husband, Peninnah and family once a year to worship and sacrifice to the LORD OF HOST (this is the first time Jehovah Sebaoth is used in scripture asserting his universal supremacy- “hosts” meaning armies of heaven seen for the first time in Hannah’s prayer later. )

You see that Elkanah had a great love for Hannah by giving her double the size he gives his other wife. And because of this her rival (Peninnah) was jealous and provoked Hannah greiviously to irritate her because of her closed womb.

After years of provoking by her rival, we never see Hannah railing or going into furious rages. She simply grieves and ends up weeping and loosing her appetite ,denying the peace offering her husband offered her yearly.Once again you see her husbands care and love for her in verse 8. She did not whine to Elkanah about her childlessness because she knew that children are an inheritance from the Lord (Ps. 127:3; Gen. 33:5)

We then see Hannah deeply distressed pouing her heart out to the Lord and weeping bitterly she vowed this vow:

“O Lord of Host, if you will indeed look on the affliction of your servant and remember me and not forget your servant, but will give to your servant a son, then I will give him to the LORD all the days of his life, and no razor shall touch his head.” –(1 Sam. 1:11)

• She first starts out with Lord of Host once again recognizing his universal supremacy

• The word Servant is expressed 3 times showing her humility, submission and dependence on the Lord.

• The vow was significant alone. Levites were already the Lord’s property from 25 years of age until 50. It was their duty to minister in the tabernacle taking turns a few weeks every year also attending three annual feast. But her vows to offer her son in service to the temple were from infancy to death making it a Nazarite vow that could only be made by the husband. This vow had be be approved by the husband in order for it to be a valid vow. This also would show her husbands support for her. (Samson’s mother made this vow and John the Baptist’s mother did later) It is not shown whether or not the vow included all the provisions of the Nazarite vow.

Eli the priest observed her prayer and accused her of drunkenness because no word came from her mouth. His accusation against Hannah was the same accusation the unbelieving mob made against the disciples on the day of Pentecost (Acts 2:13). But Hannah’s defense (in verse 15) argues her conscious integrity, innocence and serenity of spirit. Simply pouring out her soul before the LORD.

You then see the family ending their time at the temple in worship and returning home where Elkanah knew Hannah (aka. they had sex). It was then that the Lord opened her womb and Hannah conceived and bore a son that she called Samuel which means “asked of the Lord”.

You see Hannah being a wonderful mother, not leaving him with another, and turning down a trip with her husband until he was weaned. Once being weaned, Hannah dresses him for his first trip to the tabernacle, where she leaves him. Though Eli the priest’s two son’s were polluting the atmosphere of worship by laying with women that assembled at the door of the tabernacle, Hannah leaves him with no fear. She had placed him in the hands of God, and she believed that God would answer the petition she had made before his birth.

But before she leaves her precious son she offers a prayer that echo’s through generations of women. In it Hannah exhibited the fervency, depth and fire of a woman who was happy and who sang her happiness and belief in God. SHE LOVED HER GOD!

1Sa 2:1 And Hannah prayed and said, "My heart exults in the LORD; my strength is exalted in the LORD. My mouth derides my enemies, because I rejoice in your salvation.
1Sa 2:2 "There is none holy like the LORD; there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God.
1Sa 2:3 Talk no more so very proudly, let not arrogance come from your mouth; for the LORD is a God of knowledge, and by him actions are weighed.
1Sa 2:4 The bows of the mighty are broken, but the feeble bind on strength.
1Sa 2:5 Those who were full have hired themselves out for bread, but those who were hungry have ceased to hunger. The barren has borne seven, but she who has many children is forlorn.
1Sa 2:6 The LORD kills and brings to life; he brings down to Sheol and raises up.
1Sa 2:7 The LORD makes poor and makes rich; he brings low and he exalts.
1Sa 2:8 He raises up the poor from the dust; he lifts the needy from the ash heap to make them sit with princes and inherit a seat of honor. For the pillars of the earth are the LORD's, and on them he has set the world.
1Sa 2:9 "He will guard the feet of his faithful ones, but the wicked shall be cut off in darkness, for not by might shall a man prevail.
1Sa 2:10 The adversaries of the LORD shall be broken to pieces; against them he will thunder in heaven. The LORD will judge the ends of the earth; he will give strength to his king and exalt the power of his anointed."

• She acknowledges God’s holiness, His goodness, His sovereignty, His power, and His wisdom. She worshiped Him as Savior, as Creator, and as sovereign judge. She acknowleged the fallenness and depravity of human nature, as well as the folly of unbelief and rebellion. In short, her few stanzas were a masterpiece of theological understanding.

• Hannah’s prayer of dedication was the model for Mary’s Magnificat (to magnify or extol) in Luke 1:46-55.

• Both Hannah and Mary formally dedicated their firstborn sons to the Lord (1 Sam 1:24-28; Luke 2:22-24).
  

She gladly left Samuel to work in the temple by lighting a candle, holding a dish or closing a door because she knew that if he could do those menial tasks joyfully than he would rise in a greater ministry to the Lord.

The way Hannah immediately dedicated her first son to the Lord and gave him over to serve in the tabernacle at such a young age demonstrated the purity of her motives of motherhood being her one ambition in life. She understood that motherhood is the highest calling God can bestow on any woman under the call of being a wife.

Scripture frequently portrays marriage as “the grace of life” (1 Peter 3:7) and motherhood is one of the highest calling any woman could ever be summoned to under the call to be a wife (1 Tim. 5:10; Titus 2:3-5 these two passages share things on motherhood). Only rarely in Scripture were women singled out and praised for careers outside the domestic realm.

Samuel later became the earliest of the great Hebrew prophets after Moses and last of the “Judges”. He also would anoint David as king.
At the end of her biography it states- “And the young Samuel grew in the presence of the Lord”

Characteristics of Hannah that we can take home with us:
- Constant, steadfast faith
- Patience
- Persistent and Passionate Prayerfulness
- Meekness
- Humility
- Submission
- Unreservedly devotion
- Motherly love
- Non- complaining spirit
- Willingness to cast her burdens on the Lord
- Love for heaven, husband and home
- Unselfish
- Dependence on the Lord
- Integrity
- Innocence
- Belief and Trust in the Lord
- Grace
- Worker of the home
- And the woman could sew.

Information retrieved from : “The Bible”, “All of the Women of the Bible” by Edith Deen, and “Twelve Extraordinary Women” by John MacArthur

When The Music Stops

I have been reading a book lately called, "Safe in the Everlasting Arms" and came across this paragraph that was written more than a hundred years ago by the artist John Ruskin:
"There is no music in a rest, but there is the making of music in it. In our whole life-melody, the music is broken off here and there by "rests", and foolishly think we have come to the end of time. God sends a time of forced leisure-sickness, disappointed plans, frustrated efforts- and makes us a sudden pause in the choral hymn of our lives and we lament that our voices must be silent, and our part missing in the music which ever goes up to the ear of the Creator. How does the musician read the rest? See him beat time with unvarying count and catch up the next note true and steady, as if no breaking place had come between. Not without design does God write the music of our lives. But be it ours to learn the time and not be dismayed at the "rests." They are not to be slurred over, nor to be omitted, not to destroy the melody, not to change the keynote. If we look up, God Himself will beat time for us. With eyes on Him we shall strike the next note full and clear."

Once again the Lord has given me a word of encouragement from and old dead guy. I cannot help but see the wisdom in this during a time, once again in my life, where I have no idea where "the music is going." At this point it is a time of rest, though I have struggled with my flesh in being anxious over what lies ahead. It is perfect that in music the word is rest or Selah. Selah (hebrew: סלה) may be the most difficult word in the Hebrew Bible to translate, especially as nobody knows what it means. Selah is probably either a liturgico-musical mark or an instruction on the reading of the text, something like "stop and listen". The Psalms were sung accompanied by musical instruments and there are references to this in many chapters. Thirty-one of the thirty-nine psalms with the caption "To the choir-master []" include "Selah" so the musical context of selah is obvious. Selah notes a break in the song and as such is similar in purpose to Amen in that it stresses the importance of the preceding passage.

Rest....Stop and Listen...I will lean on the things in my life that are assured and realize that there is a preceding passage that I am so amazed that my Father in Heaven has written. I must look to Christ, the author and perfector of my faith that I may stike the next note full and clear. C.S. Lewis once said, "Look to yourself, and you will find in the long run only hatred, loneliness, despair, rage, ruin and decay. But look for Christ and you will find Him and with Him everything else thrown in." May I submit to death, death of my ambitions and favorite wishes every day and death of my body-in the end may I submit with every fibre of my being.

The Weekend of Weddings and Engagements

This weekend was one filled with love and romance. Friday evening was a windy one but there was something more than the air stiring around my cousin Chad Fogle and his now fiance Angela Sacco. At 3:00 Chad and Angela made thier way from Santo,TX to San Angelo. Upon thier arrival Chad told Angela that he wanted to take her to his favorite spot at the lake. Meanwhile myself and some of our cousins hopped into the family boat. We went according to plan and that was to go by fast so that Chad would know that he had 5 minutes. At that point we curved around next to the reeds holding this sign...

Here is the video of the engagement. And a few pictures. After all was said and done we headed to the restaurant were there was a 12 piece mariachi band and to follow we had the room set up with candles and a wash bassin where he proceeded to wash her feet.

I think she was pretty excited.

As the weekend rolled on, so did I, in a car with my sister as the driver and my niece (14 months) and nephew (3 years) in the back. The drive to Austin was a long one as my appreciation grew for the Lord's grace in giving patience. The purpose of this trip was to see my younger step-brother Jeremy Swanson wed his bride Wendy. The area was beautiful and the ceremony at the country club was followed by a dance at an old rustic dance hall. Enjoy the pictures and love the one your with...

My Niece Averie (goodness I am a good photographer..HeeHee)

I bet you cannot guess who these people are...no silly...it's the bride and groom.

My niece and brother-in-law Kevin (aka. daddy to her)

Me on a tree swing.